Preparing For Change
It was another cold, dark, early star filled morning when I donned my boots, jeans and light jacket this time not to sadhana but to head for the airport. The snow was crunching and sparkling under my feet as I ran back into the house to leave the garage door opener for my dog sitter.
I drove down Telegraph, my early morning mantras streaming through the Bluetooth. I chanted in the car in order to get them in; my "car sadhana." A great way to start off a challenging trip. My 86 year old father, his health seeming to decline, was awaiting my arrival on the other end of the runway in Florida.
It's such an interesting time, a new bigger business birthing for me and at the same time a big chapter ending for me. Preparing for both. Preparing for change.
Each day I walk the same path, one step closer to opening a new yoga studio and one step closer to saying goodbye to my Dad. It's really a beautiful time and an honor to walk these two journeys side by side. We never know when our loved ones will pass but we know it's coming someday.
I used to fear and never want to think about this life asana: death of a parent. Especially my Dad. We've been so close as many daughters are to their fathers. He has gently held my hand all the way down these 54 years of life yet let me walk by myself too. Never telling me what to do or how to do it. His support has been always there for me while walking my Truth.
My feelings seem to follow the same ups and downs for both. Change is coming, what I once knew will no longer be. It's time to help more people with yoga and and it's time to help my Dad transition. Both bring up fear, anxiety, love, hope, sadness, joy, memories......the whole gamut. It feels so powerful to feel all these feelings side by side. I know it's no coincidence that these two "kriyas" aligned at the same time.
My daily sadhana and connection to my Higher Power gets me through each day. It keeps me focused on what's really important. On the Truth.
Without it I don't know where I would be. I want to stay so present for Dad's, what looks like his last circulation around the sun this year, and I want to enjoy the process of birthing a new studio. Without my sadhana my crazy mind would fly off into all the "what if's" and "what will I do" more than the usual.
My spiritual awakening that yoga and meditation brought me over the years has prepared me for this time more than I could ever have imagined. I know I'll always be supported and guided with my business and supported and guided by my Dad from the other side when that time takes place.
How incredible to now have this knowing. This comfort to let go. This reality.
I know, in the end, God's got this. All of it. More lessons to be learned, stages to grow through. It's all good whenever the divine timing is.
I love you Dad. Thank you for the gift of being your daughter.
I have been incredibly blessed by your presence.
Aadays Tisay Aadays. Aad aneel anaad anaahat, jug jug eko vays.
It means "I salute Thee, the Primal One, pure, in the beginning, through all time, through all ages--the One."
It is a mantra of total humility and surrender, but the effect is one of great empowerment and upliftment. You will no longer feel it necessary to sustain yourself with pride, but will be sustained by an energy of love, of which you are a grateful part. - Spirit Voyage